What kind of relationship do you have with someone, if you meet them, have a great time, and then walk away, never to call, talk, or see the person again? Not much of one is it?
In contrast, what about a relationship where two people meet briefly but then keep in touch through letters, emails, phone calls, and other get-togethers? What if they take time to interact and get to know each other? We’d label that a meaningful relationship.
If we want any kind of relationship, friendship, or romance to progress, we know we’ve got to expend some effort to grow the relationship.
As a church, we begin relationships with the people in our communities when we host outreach or holiday events. Sometimes they develop into a meaningful, long-term relationship with visitors, but in the majority of cases, they don’t. Take time to consider some of the following thoughts and evaluate how your interactions with visitors.
Make your church outreach events more than Speed Dating
Unfortunately, instead of taking time to develop relationships with the guests who visit, many church outreach events are similar to the Speed Dating (I don’t know if people still do it, but it works as an illustration.) If you are unfamiliar with Speed Dating, this is where single people spend a few minutes with a potential romantic interest over coffee, dessert, or some shared activity (one recent speed dating event for farmers had folks weeding a field together) and then they move on to the next person, spend a few minutes with that person, and on to the next one.
Though lasting a bit longer, some churches offer a sort of speed dating experience to unchurched members of their communities. With fall events as an example, the church invites the community to a Community Thanksgiving Service and Christmas Caroling and Hot Chocolate. At Easter, it might be a big Easter Egg hunt for kids. The visitors are hustled through the event and then leave, hopefully with a nice feeling about the church. The church staff breathes a big sigh of relief to have that activity over for the year.
These events are a wonderful way to introduce the church to the community, but as with any relationship, you need to actively work to develop the relationship if you don’t want people to leave each one as unconnected with the church as when they came to the first one event. If you simply hustle people through the events, you aren’t making a connection with them that will ultimately involve them in your church. Following are some ideas to consider to change the situation from speed-dating to long term relationship.
Don’t assume people know what your church does on a regular basis
Many churches assume that if people come to a holiday event at the church for children, such as an alternative Halloween event or Christmas Party, if they like it, they will automatically come on Sunday for your Kids Kove (or whatever you call your children’s program).
But unchurched people in our secular world today may not even know that something called “Kid’s Kove” exists or that churches have events for children on a regular basis. Even if they vaguely know the church does things for children, they have no idea what time or where it meets regularly.
You have to follow up and let people know what you do on a regular basis and invite them to it. You cannot make assumptions that people who grew up without church know what a church does every week.
Here are some ideas how to do make connections with people on an ongoing basis:
YOU MUST have a connection card at the event to get information from people. If you don’t gather basic contact information you can’t even begin to follow-up. A simple form in the pew that you invite people to fill out is useful, but the best things I’ve found is to have a drawing for some great gift related to the holiday season–such as a GIANT gift basket with whatever holiday goodies are appropriate, plus gift cards. Have people fill out a card with their information (letting them know you will use it to contact them, but they can be removed from your list at any time0.
Once you get names and contact, there are many ways to reach out to people to develop a relationship by starting out with sending out some sort of thank you for attending with an upbeat invitation to come back to church. You can use mail, social media, email, texting, whatever works for your church.
Don’t stop with an initial “glad you were here message”
There are so many events coming up in the church calendar all of them give you a natural opportunity to reach out. Here are a few ideas:
- Try sending upbeat communications, again in whatever form you want, that give families ways to celebrate the holidays with their families.
- For example, send them a booklet that tells them the history of an upcoming holiday, such as all about Advent and ideas for how to celebrate it.
- Stories or devotions about the holidays, Bible stories in modern versions, or explanations why we celebrate the way we do especially if your church follows the church calendar are useful
- Recipes are always appreciated, they still are. A mailed recipe card or little booklet that you could give out to guests or send out in a follow-up. If you personalize the recipe card from your church, every time your guests use it, it can remind them of your church and the wonderful event they attended.
- Invitations to additional holiday events—as new people to your church they may not have any idea that after the Community Thanksgiving Service your church always hosts a Caroling and Chocolate party early in December. Go out of your way to invite and remind people of additional ways to connect with your church.
Little things really do mean a lot
It may not seem like a lot to send out a postcard or recipe, or to email or text an invitation, but that can move shift the special event of being something similar to Speed dating event, nice maybe, but not something to expect to be repeated to an ongoing relationship with a visitor to your church and Jesus.