Popular advice on preaching and teaching advises that the teacher scatter into their lesson illustrations from their lives to make their message more relatable.
Doing that may have some value, but it also has some pitfalls that may lessen the impact of your message or lesson. Following are three reasons why this might be the case and some advice on what to use instead of personal illustrations.
#1 Your audience may not identify with your illustration and may be alienated because of it
I was recently reminded of this with the sermons, devotions, lessons, and other Christian materials related to Mother’s Day and Father’s Day that focused solely on the joys and trials of biological children.
Related to this are the many illustrations from pastors on these days and others about their seemingly perfect nuclear families and their kids. Though they may have tiny trials, they always work out. In conclusion, they always learn great spiritual lessons from their wonderful children.
Though I’m sure these stories resonate with many people, there are a large number of people for whom they not only do not resonate but are deeply painful—those without children, those attempting to conceive, those whose children have died, or who were estranged, singles who have given up hoping for a family, or those who have lost their spouse.
When sermons or lessons constantly and primarily refer to family structures dreamed of, and prayed for, yet beyond the reach of many listeners, the final lesson they might take away is, “Well that is very nice for you, but it doesn’t apply to me.”
Too many of these sorts of messages and the listener may conclude “This church and the Christian faith isn’t for me.”
#2 It focuses your audience’s eyes on you as the teacher and your family as object lessons
If our lessons are primarily based on what we learned or our family learned or the things the kids or your spouse did or did not do, the focus of much of your teaching will be on you.
In addition, the stories we tell about family members can sometimes put unfair labels on them—the rebellious child, the always funny kid, the spouse who constantly forgets. Or they might be held up as impossibly perfect examples of what a pastor or teacher’s family should be like.
We need to allow our congregations to get to know our families as they would any other without caricaturing or labeling them from the pulpit in a certain way.
We do not want people to see us when we teach God’s Word and his ways. We want them to see Jesus.
#3 You miss a Biblical lesson that can encourage everyone
God’s Word has every illustration we might want or need to make the points we need to make in our lessons or sermons.
An objection to this might be, “Yes, but what if my people are not that familiar with the Bible?”
The answer to that valid concern is that the point you want to make presents an excellent opportunity to make them aware of a Bible story, character, or situation. You have the opportunity to deepen their understanding of the Bible.
Here is an example. A pastor wanted to illustrate the importance of keeping our focus on the Lord for success in life and he immediately thought of how his son told him what a help it was to keep his eyes on his dad when he was running in a recent track meet. Great story, useful illustration, except for the many people in the audience who never had a family member they could count on in that way or a child who looked to them for encouragement.
Or he could talk about one of Jesus’ followers, a man named Peter, who had great confidence in himself and who also trusted Jesus. In one extraordinary situation, when Jesus came walking on water to a boat Peter and the other followers were in that was almost sinking, Peter jumped out of the boat to walk to Jesus. He did fine for the first few steps, but then he took his eyes off Jesus and focused on the waves around him. He sank into the water, but Jesus pulled him up.
Everyone can identify with this illustration because we all trust ourselves more than we ought and are tempted to take our eyes off Jesus—sometimes when we need him the most. We sink and always, he saves us.
It might take some additional work to find a Biblical illustration to make the point you want to make, but finding it and sharing it will add power and not potential distraction to your message.
God never promises to bless our family stories, but he does give us this promise—
The rain and snow come down from the heavens
and stay on the ground to water the earth.
They cause the grain to grow,
producing seed for the farmer
and bread for the hungry.
It is the same with my word.
I send it out, and it always produces fruit.
It will accomplish all I want it to,
and it will prosper everywhere I send it.Isaiah 55:10-11, NLT
In conclusion, this is not to say you can never use a personal story or illustration if the Lord lays it on your heart to share it, but whenever possible, pray and search God’s Word for the illustrations from his Word that, unlike a personal story that may encourage some, alienate some, and have questionable consequences in expectations for you and your family, the illustration you use from the Word will, like a “double-edged sword” cut into the hearts of your people, challenge, and change them in ways beyond our human examples.